Pillsbury Doughboy Dies

05.31.08 (7:04 pm)   [edit]

Please join me in remembering a great icon. Veteran Pillsbury spokesperson, The Pillsbury Doughboy, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a slightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, Captain Crunch and many others.
    
<Photobucket The graveside was piled high with flours as long-time friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded." 

   

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, even as a crusty old man, he was still considered a roll model for millions.

Toward the end it was thought he'd raise once again, but he was no tart. 

Doughboy is survived by his second wife, Play Dough. They have two children and one in the oven. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

"Friendly Reminder"

05.30.08 (10:01 am)   [edit]

This is your friendly Friday reminder from The Hunger Site:
Make a difference today!

Click on the yellow button at The Hunger Site and give
a cup of food to the hungry at no cost to you.
http://www.thehungersite.com/tpc/ERH_053008_THS" title="http://www.thehungersite.com/tpc/ERH_053008_THS" target="_blank"http://www.thehungersite.com/...

How to complain . . .

05.28.08 (1:10 am)   [edit]

A rather attractive woman goes up to the register in a restaurant. She gestures alluringly to a large man who comes over immediately.

When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his cheek, which is slowly turning a crimson red. "Are you the owner?", she asks, now softly stroking his face with both hands.

"Actually, no" he replies. "I'm just the manager." "Can you get him for me ? I need to speak to him" she asks, running her hands up beyond his ears and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't", breathes the manager — clearly aroused, " he's in the back doing the books right now. Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues seductively, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck on them gently. "Tell him" she says — "that there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room."

'13....13....13'

05.27.08 (9:14 am)   [edit]
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting ,'13....13....13'
The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on.
Some bastard poked me in the eye with a stick.
Then they all started shouting '14....14....14'...  


 

05.25.08 (9:35 pm)   [edit]

FreeRice has two goals:

Help end world hunger">

78,146,280 grains of rice donated yesterday.
Over 34 billion grains donated to date.

  1. Help end world hunger by providing rice to the hungry .

This is made possible by the sponsors who advertise on this site.

Whether you are CEO of a large corporation or a street child in a poor country, improving your vocabulary can improve your life. It is a great investment in yourself.

Perhaps even greater is the investment your donated rice makes in hungry human beings, enabling them to function and be productive. Somewhere in the world, a person is eating rice that you helped provide. Thank you.

Show Your Appreciation As Often As You Can

05.25.08 (8:23 am)   [edit]

The deepest principal in human nature is the craving to be appreciated. If you treat an individual as if they were what they ought to be and could be, they will become what they ought to be and could be.

There is no stimulus like that which comes from knowing that others believe in you. There is no investment you can make which will pay you so well as your effort to scatter sunshine and good cheer where ever you are.

Applaud them when they run, console them when they fall, and cheer them when they recover.

As water is to a flower -- So is praise to the heart of another.

"Help Feed The Hungry"

05.23.08 (11:56 pm)   [edit]

This is your friendly Saturday reminder from The Hunger Site:
Make a difference today!

Click on the yellow button at The Hunger Site and give
a cup of food to the hungry at no cost to you.
http://www.thehungersite.com/tpc/ERH_052308_THS" title="http://www.thehungersite.com/tpc/ERH_052308_THS" target="_blank"http://www.thehungersite.com/...

The Hunger Site was founded to focus the power of the Internet on a specific humanitarian need: the eradication of world hunger. Since its launch in June 1999, the site has established itself as a leader in online activism, helping to feed the world's hungry. On average, over 220,000 individuals from around the world visit the site each day to click the yellow "Click Here to Give - it's FREE" button. To date, more than 300 million visitors have given more than 500 million cups of staple food.

The staple food funded by clicks at The Hunger Site is paid for by site sponsors and distributed to those in need by Mercy Corps and America's Second Harvest .

"Tires Made Out Of Urine"

05.21.08 (1:13 am)   [edit]

 New rubber compound that's made from fatty acids and a component of urine retains its shape to such a degree that it can be cut in half with a knife and then repair itself, retaining its original form. Imagine it: you break a plastic toy in half, only to have it seal itself back together, with the only downside being that your hands smell like you didn't wash them after going to the bathroom. Science!

With a consistency that's "a cross between silly putty and a rubber ball," the rubber can stretch to twice its length easily. When chopped in half, you can simply press the cut edges together again. After a short period, it can then stretch out to the same degree as before with no glue required to keep it together.

Takuzo Aida, a chemist at Tokyo University says that "the discovery is very close to [being used in] business," and possible applications could be in items such as tires or adhesives. It's still a bit far away from that, but this nearly-green technology looks like it has loads of potential for future uses. Bring on the pee rubber!

 

Buy Or Rent A Purse?

05.18.08 (1:38 am)   [edit]

 

Renting a wedding dress for my daughter did not seem like a big deal when she got married because she was only wearing it once.

Things have really changed as to the things you can rent now. I actually came across a site that is renting handbags and jewelry. the very expensive bags that the average woman can't afford but want to pretend that she can.

I am in shock as to the prices women are paying for a purse now, but when I found that they are paying as much to rent them  as to by them, well you check the site out yourself.

Click here____ (Bag Borrow Or Steal)

<Photobucket

This is a Louie Vitton bag, you can rent it for $66.00 A wk. or $166.00 a month, if you become a member you can rent if for a little less.

The prices we pay to keep up .

"Free 411 Call"

05.15.08 (6:54 pm)   [edit]

Cell phone companies are charging $1.00 to $1.75 or more> for 411 Information calls. Since no one carries a telephone directory in their vehicle, they get away with it.

When you need to use the 411 Information option, simply dial 1(800) FREE 411, or 1(800)373-3411; you will incur no charge. This works on your home telephone as well.

If you enter this number into your cell phone you will
always have a way to get a phone number if you need
one.
  
This is the kind of information people don't mind
 receiving, so pass it on to your family and friends.

> Verified at Snopes:
> http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/nothing/free4 11.asp" title="http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/nothing/free4 11.asp" target="_blank"http://www.snopes.com/inboxer... 

>

"GAS"

05.14.08 (1:21 pm)   [edit]

<Photobucket Photobucket

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"Mistaken Identity"

05.14.08 (12:14 am)   [edit]
 A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 O'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. 

The woman, sort of bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Shit! That must be my husband!'

So the guy quickly got out of bed scared and naked he jumped out the window like a crazy man. 

He smashed himself on the ground, went through a thorn bush, then he stood up and started to run fast to his car.

Just a few minutes later he returned and screamed at the woman 'I'm your husband,

The woman yelled back, 'Yeah? So why were you running? 


 

Fighting On The Playground

05.13.08 (1:35 am)   [edit]

  What is wrong with our kids today.kids use to go on the playground to play
with an occasional fight but none of this gang mentality where they are jumping on kids to put on Utube.

I was very upset when I read about two young girls accused of brutally attacking another girl on a playground. The girls, ages 10 and 11, face aggravated assault and other charges for the attack on another 10-year-old girl at an elementary school playground, the girls are accused of stomping on her head and legs and breaking her hip.

The girl said the other girls pulled her off the monkey bars and attacked her after she told the girls to stop splashing water on her 8-year-old sister in the school playground.

The child remains hospitalized and is expected to undergo at least one week of rehabilitation at a hospital. She has three pins in her hip to keep the bones in place and may eventually need a hip replacement, her mother said.

Now their attorney clasms that they are only 10 and 11 years old and are good students and shouldn't be tried as a deliquent, they didn't know the consquences of their actions. I don't agree, kids as well as adults need to know that when you do something so terrible that you will be held responsible for it.

To all my friends

05.12.08 (2:24 am)   [edit]

To all my friends who in 2007 sent me best 'wishes', chain letters, 'angel' letters or other promises of good luck if I forwarded something,
 
NONE OF THAT SHIT WORKED!
 
For 2008, could you please just send money, Vodka, chocolate or gasoline vouchers?  
 
 
Thank you!
 


"Happy Online Buddy Day"

05.07.08 (5:52 pm)   [edit]

<Photobucket

Happy Online Buddy Day

You are all so Special

(((HUGS)))

Who Should Doctors Let Die?

05.07.08 (1:56 am)   [edit]


 Who should doctors let die in a flu pandemic? Maybe grandma.

 Doctors know some patients needing lifesaving care won't get it in a flu pandemic or other disaster. The gut-wrenching dilemma is deciding who to let die.

Now, an influential group of physicians has drafted a grimly specific list of recommendations for which patients wouldn't be treated.

The suggested list was compiled by a task force whose members come from prestigious universities, medical groups, the military and government agencies. They include the Department of Homeland Security, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the Department of Health and Human Services.

The proposed guidelines are designed to be a blueprint for hospitals "so that everybody will be thinking in the same way" when pandemic flu or another widespread health care disaster hits.


"If a mass critical care event were to occur tomorrow, many people with clinical conditions that are survivable under usual health care system conditions may have to forgo life-sustaining interventions owing to deficiencies in supply or staffing," the report states.

To prepare, hospitals should designate a triage team with the Godlike task of deciding who will and who won't get lifesaving care.
There will be no care for the following:

_People older than 85.

_Those with severe trauma, which could include critical injuries from car crashes and shootings.

_Severely burned patients older than 60.

_Those with severe mental impairment, which could include advanced Alzheimer's disease.

_Those with a severe chronic disease, such as advanced heart failure, lung disease or poorly controlled diabetes.


If followed to a tee, such rules could exclude care for the poorest, most disadvantaged citizens who suffer disproportionately from chronic disease and disability, he said. While health care rationing will be necessary in a mass disaster, "there are some real ethical concerns here."


He said the proposals resemble a battlefield approach in which limited health care resources are reserved for those most likely to survive.


While the notion of rationing health care is unpleasant, it will be necessary,."

That's partly because members believe it's just a matter of time before such a health care disaster hits.


 

CONVENTION

05.04.08 (11:05 pm)   [edit]

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she
was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, 'Business trip or pleasure?'

She turned, smiled and said, 'Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston '

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked,
'What's your business role at this convention?'

'Lecturer,' she responded. 'I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.'

'Really?' he said. 'And what kind of myths are there?'

'Well,' she explained, 'one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American
Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.

I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.'

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. 'I'm sorry,' she said, 'I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name.'

'Tonto,' the man said, 'Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba.'




 

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